it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
