I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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