Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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