My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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