You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
