I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
