They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
