i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
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