"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
