I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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