There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
