Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Sorry about my life...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
