Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
