Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
