M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
