just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Drunk is not a location!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
