It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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