I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I can text with my tongue
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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