Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
