The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
