ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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