I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
