handjob tips. give me some.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
