I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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