my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
