I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
