Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
