Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
