thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
