I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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