Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
