i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
