i barfeds in our rink
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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