Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
