You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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