We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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