new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
