Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
