And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
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