Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
