What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
