i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
