my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
