Is it normal to miss your booty call?
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize