Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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