We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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