so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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