im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
did you just send me my own nude
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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