New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
