walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The air was thick with penises
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
