the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
