Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
