I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
