i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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