Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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