Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
