My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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