Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
A+ Viking dick
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
