some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
