SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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