Kareoke will never be a sober sport
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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