so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
