we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
